Overcoming Perfectionism – Letting Go and Living Fully
Overcoming Perfectionism – Letting Go and Living Fully
Growing Up with the Pressure to Be Perfect
Some people might wonder – why is overcoming perfectionism important? Isn’t it a good thing to strive for the best?
For those of us in Gen X, and even some older Millennials, we grew up in a world that told us being perfect was the ultimate goal. The perfect score, the flawless A-star report card, excelling at everything we tried, these were the measures of success.
The Exhausting Ideal of ‘Having It All’
And it wasn’t just about achievements. As women, we were told we could have it all, the career, the looks, the partner, the money, the holidays, the beautiful children, and the picture-perfect home.
Even writing it all down feels exhausting, let alone trying to juggle everything and live up to some imagined ideal, no doubt shaped by watching TV shows where someone managed to do it all and make it look effortless.
Why Overcoming Perfectionism Matters
And that’s exactly why we need to break free from the perfectionist cycle. We are exhausted! Luckily, things are starting to change. Schools and workplaces have begun to realise that putting this kind of pressure on young people isn’t helpful, and they’ve adapted the way they teach, grade, and reward success.
But for those of us who grew up in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, that pressure runs deep. The belief that our worth is tied to our achievements is hard to shake, and we continue striving, pushing, and measuring ourselves against an impossible standard.
What Is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism is often defined as the relentless pursuit of flawlessness, accompanied by excessively high standards and an overly critical self-evaluation. But here’s the truth, perfection, by its very definition, is practically impossible to achieve.
And yet, we chase it. We believe that if we can just do everything right, life will fall into place. But perfectionism doesn’t lead to happiness; it leads to stress, anxiety, and feeling like we’re never quite enough.
It can show up in so many ways, procrastinating because you’re afraid of doing something wrong, avoiding opportunities because you’re scared of failure, or constantly feeling like your efforts aren’t good enough, no matter how much you achieve. So, how do we begin to break free from perfectionism and embrace a life that feels more balanced and fulfilling?
The PAUSE Method: 5 Steps to Letting Go of Perfectionism
When I talk about overcoming perfectionism, I don’t mean giving up on your goals, goals are crucial, nor should you lower your standards. What I do mean is that we need to create a more balanced and realistic approach to life, one that allows space for mistakes, growth, and self-compassion.
That’s where PAUSE comes in a simple way to remind yourself to take a step back and approach life with more kindness and flexibility. Setting goals that are adaptable and achievable can help you make progress without feeling like every misstep is a failure. If you’re looking for a better way to set goals that support your success, check out my blog on Ditching Resolutions and Setting Goals for Lasting Success.
P – ‘Permit’ Yourself to Be Imperfect
Perfectionism thrives on the idea that mistakes equal failure. But mistakes are how we grow and learn. Give yourself permission to be imperfect, to try, and to not get everything right the first time.
When you find the inner critic (the voice in your head) start to berate you, instead of listening reframe your thoughts.
Swap phrases like “I should have done better” with “I did my best with what I knew at the time.” By letting go of the idea that everything has to be perfect, you open yourself up to new opportunities and experiences.
A – ‘Accept’ Progress Over Perfection
One of the biggest struggles with perfectionism is feeling like if it’s not perfect, it’s not worth doing. But progress is always better than perfection. Taking small, imperfect steps is far better than staying stuck in fear of not getting it “just right.”
Set small, achievable goals and celebrate your wins, no matter how small they seem. Remind yourself that done is better than perfect, and every step forward is a step in the right direction.
U – ‘Understand’ Your Triggers
Perfectionism is often driven by experiences and expectations, whether from childhood, work environments, or social media comparisons. Understand what those triggers are and reflect. Is it pressure from others? Fear of judgment? A desire for control?
Recognising these triggers can help you take a step back and challenge them, rather than letting them dictate your actions.
S – ‘Show’ Yourself Kindness
We can be so hard on ourselves, constantly pushing, criticising, and comparing. But treating yourself with kindness is one of the most powerful ways to break the perfectionism cycle.
Start by noticing how you talk to yourself. If your inner critic is harsh, ask yourself: “What would I think of a friend who said this to me? And would I say this to a friend?”
If the answer is no, it’s time to change the script. Practising self-compassion means allowing yourself to struggle, to take breaks, and to acknowledge that you’re doing your best
E – ‘Embrace’ Flexibility
Perfectionism is rigid and unforgiving, but life isn’t meant to be lived that way. Learning to embrace flexibility allows you to adapt when things don’t go according to plan, and still feel good about it.
Instead of focusing on strict goals or expectations, try being open to different outcomes. Flexibility gives you the freedom to enjoy the journey rather than feeling tied to a single destination.
Moving Forward with PAUSE
Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t about giving up, it’s about living in a way that feels more aligned with who you are, not who you think you should be.
By giving yourself permission to be imperfect, accepting progress, understanding your triggers, showing kindness, and embracing flexibility, you can create a healthier, more fulfilling way of living.
