Some people might wonder if being hard on yourself is really a problem.
After all, isn’t it what keeps us motivated? Doesn’t it help us achieve more?
For many of us, particularly those who grew up in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, we were taught that success came from working harder, trying harder, and expecting more from ourselves. Good grades, good jobs, being responsible, being capable, keeping everything together.
And it wasn’t just about achievements.
Many women grew up hearing that they could have it all. The career, the relationship, the home, the family, the holidays, the social life, and somehow still have enough energy left over to smile through it all.
Even writing that list feels exhausting.
Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that our worth was tied to what we achieved. The more we accomplished, the better we felt about ourselves. Or at least that was the promise.
The reality is often very different.
When Good Enough Never Feels Good Enough
One of the difficulties with perfectionism is that the finish line keeps moving.
You complete the project.
You finish the course.
You get the promotion.
You finally tackle the task you’ve been putting off for months.
For a brief moment, you feel pleased with yourself.
Then your attention shifts to the next thing you haven’t done yet.
Many people who struggle with perfectionism don’t actually see themselves as perfectionists. They simply feel as though they’re constantly falling short.
No matter how much they achieve, it never quite feels enough.
The Hidden Cost of High Standards
Having high standards isn’t necessarily a problem.
The difficulty comes when those standards become impossible to meet.
Perfectionism often creates a constant feeling of pressure. You may spend hours overthinking decisions, worrying about getting things wrong, or delaying tasks because you’re afraid they won’t be good enough.
Ironically, perfectionism can lead to the very things we’re trying to avoid.
Instead of helping us move forward, it can leave us feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted.
The Voice in Your Head
Many people live with an inner critic that seems impossible to satisfy.
It points out mistakes.
It focuses on weaknesses.
It notices what still needs improving.
And it rarely stops to acknowledge what has already been achieved.
Over time, this critical voice can become so familiar that we stop questioning it. We assume it’s telling the truth.
But being hard on yourself doesn’t necessarily help you grow.
Often, it simply makes the journey harder than it needs to be.
What If You Spoke to Yourself Differently?
Imagine speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend.
If someone you cared about was struggling, would you tell them they weren’t trying hard enough?
Would you focus only on their mistakes?
Or would you recognise their efforts, acknowledge their challenges, and encourage them to keep going?
Most of us offer far more compassion to other people than we do to ourselves.
Yet self-compassion isn’t about lowering your standards or giving up on your goals.
It’s about recognising that you are human.
You will make mistakes.
You will get things wrong sometimes.
And you are still worthy of kindness.
A Different Way Forward
Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t about becoming careless or lowering your expectations.
It’s about letting go of the belief that your value depends on being perfect.
It’s learning to recognise progress instead of focusing only on what remains unfinished.
It’s allowing yourself to be a work in progress rather than a project that constantly needs fixing.
Because life becomes much lighter when you stop measuring your worth against an impossible standard.
And perhaps the goal was never perfection in the first place.
Perhaps the goal was simply to be human.
