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Self-Compassion and ADHD: How It Can Help You Feel Better

Self-Compassion and ADHD – How It Can Help You Feel Better

If you have ADHD, one of the hardest parts isn’t always motivation, organisation, or focus.

It’s noticing your own progress.

You can do a hundred things in a day, and your brain still zooms in on the one thing you didn’t do, forgot, or didn’t finish.

And over time, that can create a quiet inner narrative of:

“I’m always behind.”
“I’m not doing enough.”
“I can’t keep up.”

If that feels familiar, you’re not alone.

Why is Self-Compassion so Hard for ADHD Brains?

If you stop and reflect for a moment, you might notice something:

It’s often much easier to spot what’s unfinished, forgotten, or didn’t go to plan than it is to recognise what you did manage.

With ADHD, your brain can naturally scan for what’s missing, what’s urgent, or what could go wrong next. It’s not because you’re doing anything wrong. It’s often because your attention has been pulled in that direction for years.

And if you’ve spent a long time being told to try harder, be more organised, or do things differently, it makes sense that self-compassion can feel awkward at first.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel comforting.
It just feels unfamiliar.

That doesn’t mean it won’t help.
It just means it might take time to feel natural.

A Lifetime of Feeling ‘Not Good Enough’

If you’ve lived with ADHD for a long time, you might carry a quiet feeling of “not quite good enough.”

Not because you haven’t tried, but because so much effort goes into coping, adapting, masking, and pushing through… and that effort often goes unseen.

Even by you.

So when self-compassion is suggested, it can feel uncomfortable at first. For some people, it feels unfamiliar rather than soothing.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t helpful. It usually just means it’s something that needs to become familiar, so it starts to feel more natural over time.

Rewiring the ADHD Brain for Self-Compassion

Self-compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook, making excuses, or pretending everything is fine.

It’s about learning to notice your effort, not just the outcome.

Because with ADHD, you can be trying really hard behind the scenes, even if it doesn’t always look that way on the outside.

If a friend told you they managed to get through a difficult day, reply to an important message, or keep going when they felt overwhelmed, you’d probably recognise how much that took.

You wouldn’t tell them it “doesn’t count” because they didn’t do it sooner, or because they didn’t do it perfectly.

You’d acknowledge the effort.

But when it comes to you, your brain might jump straight to what you didn’t do, what you forgot, or what you should have done differently.

Self-compassion is practising the pause that interrupts that pattern:

“Hang on… I did something today. That matters.”

And the more you practise noticing your progress, the easier it becomes to build confidence and feel more emotionally steady.

Small Steps to Start Practising Self-Compassion

You don’t need to “master” self-compassion. You can start small, and let it build naturally over time.

✅ Notice the small wins – Managed to reply to an email? Took a short break before burnout hit? Got out of bed on a tough day? These things matter. Small efforts still count..

✅ Reframe negative self-talk: Instead of saying, “I only did one thing today,” try, “I focused on the most important thing today.” That shift can make a real difference.

✅ Write it down – A notebook, notes app, or quick daily list of “things I managed” can help train your brain to notice progress rather than gaps.

✅ Say it out loud – It can feel awkward at first, but telling yourself “I’m proud of how I handled today” helps your brain absorb it in a different way.

✅ Start with neutral language – If praise feels forced, ease into it. Instead of “I did an amazing job,” try “I made an effort today and that counts.” Over time, this starts to feel more natural.

Person walking up outdoor steps, representing small steps forward with ADHD and self-compassion

One of the biggest shifts I see

One of the biggest shifts I see is when someone starts noticing their effort, instead of only focusing on what they haven’t done.

Because if you’ve spent years feeling like you’re falling short, self-criticism can start to feel like background noise.

But when you begin practising self-compassion, something subtle (but important) starts to change.

You stop measuring yourself only by what’s unfinished.
You start recognising what you’re managing, coping with, and carrying.

And that shift can feel surprisingly relieving.

Sometimes it sounds like:
“I didn’t realise how hard I’ve actually been trying.”
“I’ve never really let myself feel proud before.”
“I thought everyone else found life easier than me.”

Those moments are quiet, but they matter.

Self-compassion doesn’t suddenly fix everything.
But it creates space.

Space for steadiness.
Space for confidence to build.
Space to feel more like you’re on your own side.

Why Self-Compassion Matters

When you practise self-compassion, you’re not lowering your standards.

You’re giving yourself a steadier foundation to build from.

It helps you notice what you are doing, not just what you haven’t done yet. And over time, that can reduce the constant pressure to prove yourself, push harder, or “catch up.”

Self-compassion doesn’t make you complacent.
It helps you feel more supported while you’re trying.

What’s Next?

If any of this feels familiar, you don’t need to change everything at once. Even small shifts in how you speak to yourself can start to make a difference.

You might begin by noticing effort rather than outcome, or by gently questioning the habit of dismissing your progress. Over time, those small moments add up.

If you’d like extra support with this, I’ve created a short self-study course on self-compassion. It’s designed to help you build a kinder inner voice, reduce self-criticism, and feel more emotionally steady, especially if you have ADHD traits and tend to be hard on yourself.

You can take it at your own pace, and come back to it whenever you need a reset.

And if you’d prefer one-to-one support, you’re welcome to get in touch. We can explore what’s coming up for you and find a way forward that feels manageable and grounded.

There’s no rush, and no right pace. This work starts exactly where you are.

Embrace Self-Compassion self-study course cover

If you’d like extra support with this, my self-guided course Embrace Self-Compassion explores it in more depth. It’s for anyone who finds self-kindness difficult, or not very natural yet.

Could Your Mindset Be the Missing Piece to Achieving Your Goals?

Could Your Mindset Be the Missing Piece to Achieving Your Goals?

We all start new chapters in life with a sense of motivation and purpose, ready to make changes that matter. But over time, it’s easy to feel stuck or lose focus. Achieving what you want isn’t about willpower, it’s about mindset. Whether you’re working toward career goals, creating balance in family life, or focusing on your own wellbeing, the way you think shapes everything you achieve.

Our mindset is influenced by beliefs we’ve carried since childhood. From an early age, our subconscious absorbs messages and experiences that shape how we view ourselves and the world. For example, if you grew up hearing, “You’re not good at sports,” that belief may linger and make you hesitant to try new things as an adult. The powerful truth is that your brain will believe what you repeatedly tell it.

The good news is that mindset isn’t fixed. By aligning your thoughts, emotions, and actions, you can unlock confidence, motivation, and clarity to help you move forward and achieve your goals.

Woman standing by the sea looking thoughtful

What Is Mindset and Why Does It Matter?

Mindset is the set of beliefs and attitudes you hold about yourself and your abilities. These beliefs shape every decision you make and every action you take.

Psychologist Carol Dweck introduced the concepts of a fixed mindset and a growth mindset:

  • Fixed Mindset: Believing abilities are static, which can lead to avoiding challenges and fearing failure.
  • Growth Mindset: Believing abilities can grow with effort, encouraging resilience and learning from setbacks.

For example, imagine starting a new fitness routine. A fixed mindset might say, “I’ll never get fit,” while a growth mindset reframes this as, “I can improve my fitness with consistent effort.”

Your mindset doesn’t just affect your decisions, it also influences the energy you put out into the world.

What Is Vibrational Energy?

All energy vibrates, including your thoughts and feelings. When we project those vibrations into the world, they influence what we attract back. This is often referred to as vibrational energy.

Have you ever met someone who gave off a bad vibe? Maybe they didn’t say much, but their negative energy was palpable. On the other hand, someone confident and positive can light up a room.

Vibrational energy plays a key role in manifestation. Aligning your thoughts, emotions, and actions to your goals, creates a kind of momentum that attracts opportunities and opens doors.

Think about how you feel when you walk into a meeting prepared and confident, people notice that energy, and it helps you connect and leave a positive impression. On the flip side, if you walk in feeling unsure or doubting yourself, it can be harder to engage and get the results you want. The energy you bring into a situation often shapes what you get out of it.

Manifestation: Aligning Your Mindset and Energy

Manifestation is about bringing your goals and dreams to life by aligning your thoughts, feelings, and actions with what you want to achieve. Manifestation is not about “thinking positive” and then sitting back and hoping for the best, it’s about believing in yourself, having a clear vision, and taking steady steps toward making it happen.

For instance, when you truly believe, “I’m capable of success,” you start to make decisions and notice opportunities that align with that belief. After a while, this starts to build momentum, making it easier to move toward your goals.

But we’ve all had moments when self-doubt or fear creeps in, haven’t we? Those thoughts can feel like roadblocks, slowing you down or holding you back. Think of it like tuning a radio, when your energy is focused on gratitude and positivity, you’re more likely to connect with experiences and people that help you succeed.

Manifestation isn’t just about thinking positive; it’s about directing your energy and actions in a way that turns your intentions into reality.

Shifting Your Mindset: Practical Steps

Shifting your mindset doesn’t happen overnight.  The mind responds to repetition, and small consistent steps that build up over time.

These small shifts can make a big difference. Here are some ideas to help you get started:

Awareness

  • Start by noticing the stories you tell yourself. Are they helping you move forward, or are they holding you back? For example, if you often think, “I’m not good enough,” that’s a belief worth challenging.  Journalling regularly can help you spot patterns that need a fresh perspective.

Gratitude Practice

  • Take a moment each day to focus on three things that you are grateful for. It could be something small, like the taste of your morning coffee, a kind word from a colleague, or ticking off a task from your to-do list. Gratitude helps shift your energy from “I don’t have enough” to “There’s so much to appreciate.”

Affirmations

  • Replace those limiting beliefs with more empowering ones by changing the statements or stories you tell yourself.  For  example, when you catch yourself saying, “I’ll never figure this out,” try telling yourself, “I’m learning and improving every day.”  Over time, these small changes in language can help reshape the way you see yourself.

Visualisation

  • Take a few minutes each day to imagine yourself achieving your goals. Picture the details, what it looks like, how you’ll feel, and the pride that comes with it. Let that vision keep you motivated and guide the steps you take.

Inspired Action

  • Big goals can feel overwhelming, so break them into smaller, doable steps. For example, if you’re working toward a promotion, focus on things like updating your CV, completing a course, or seeking feedback from a mentor. Don’t forget to celebrate each milestone, every small win counts.

Meditation and Mindfulness

  • Sometimes, all you need is a few quiet moments to reconnect with yourself. Meditation or mindfulness exercises can help you clear your mind and tune into what really matters. Even five minutes can make a difference.

Your Mindset Shapes Your Success

our mindset and energy play a big role in how you approach goals, respond to challenges, and stay motivated over time. Small shifts in awareness and self-belief can make a meaningful difference to how achievable your goals feel.

If you’d like to explore this further, you may find my ADHD-focused coaching courses helpful. They offer practical tools to support motivation, focus, and follow-through in everyday life, in a way that’s realistic and supportive.

Achieving Your Goals: Embracing the Power of Reflection

Achieving Your Goals: The Role of Reflection

As a Coach, I always encourage clients to pause and reflect on their progress. Whether you’re at the start of a new month or simply taking a moment to check in with yourself, reflection can be a powerful tool for staying on track with your goals.

Often, we begin new challenges with enthusiasm and motivation, but as time goes on, the demands of daily life can make it easy to lose focus. Taking a step back allows you to acknowledge how far you’ve come, realign your focus, and set yourself up for the weeks ahead. Celebrating even the smallest achievements can be a great way to boost your confidence and inspire you to keep moving forward.

If your reflection leaves you feeling like there’s more you could have done, let that be a source of motivation rather than frustration. Instead of dwelling on what hasn’t gone to plan, consider what you can adjust going forward. Were there any specific obstacles that stood in your way? Identifying them can help you create a clearer plan and make the next steps more achievable.

Celebrate the Wins – Big and Small

Take a minute to look back at the previous month, and reflect on what you’ve achieved. Did you stick to a new habit, take the first steps toward achieving your goals, or handle a challenging situation better than you might have before? Even small wins deserve recognition, as they are the building blocks of bigger successes.

To celebrate your progress and stay motivated in achieving your goals, try writing down your achievements in a journal, sharing them with a trusted friend, or treating yourself to something meaningful, a quiet moment of self-care, or even a small reward like a favourite book or meal. Acknowledging these moments boosts your self-esteem and reinforces the positive changes you’re making.

Understanding Self-Concept in Reflection

Reflection isn’t just about evaluating actions; it’s also an opportunity to connect with your self-concept, the way you perceive and define yourself.  Self-concept is made up of three components:

  1. Self-Image: How you see yourself, including physical attributes, personality traits, and roles in life.
  2. Self-Esteem: How much you value yourself and your abilities.
  3. Ideal Self: The person you aspire to be.

By reflecting on these aspects of self-concept, you can gain clarity on how your actions and habits align with the person you want to become. For example, does the way you’ve spent January reflect the goals and values of your ideal self? This awareness can help you make intentional changes to strengthen your self-concept and move closer to your aspirations.

What Have You Learned?

Reflection is also a chance to embrace the lessons of the past few weeks. Ask yourself:

  • What worked well for me this month?
  • What challenges did I face, and how did I respond?
  • Is there anything I’d like to approach differently moving forward?

These questions aren’t about criticism, they’re about curiosity. For example, you might realise that setting aside 10 minutes daily for mindfulness helped you feel more focused and calmer. Or perhaps you noticed that skipping your usual planning time on Sunday evenings made your week more chaotic. Understanding the patterns and choices that shaped January, you can step into February with greater clarity and intention.

Reconnect with Achieving Your Goals

The start of the year is often a time for big resolutions and goals. But now is a good time to check in with yourself:

  • Are your goals still aligned with what matters most to you?
  • Do you need to adjust your expectations or timeline?

Sometimes, we set goals that feel inspiring now but don’t reflect the reality of our lives. That’s okay. Giving yourself permission to adjust or refine your goals is a sign of growth, not failure.

A woman at her desk writing down her goals

Preparing for the Months Ahead

As you continue throughout the year, think about how you want to carry the momentum forward. Consider these steps to stay focused:

  1. Set Micro Goals: Break larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps. Progress is easier to achieve and sustain when it feels within reach.
  2. Revisit Your Priorities: Make sure your daily actions align with what’s most important to you.
  3. Celebrate Progress Along the Way: Build in moments to reflect on and reward your efforts, it keeps you motivated and encouraged.

A Fresh Start Every Month

The beauty of a year is that it offers 12 opportunities to reset and refocus. Whether January unfolded precisely as you’d hoped or brought unexpected challenges, each day, week, and month is a chance to start fresh.

Reflection allows you to move forward with purpose, confidence, and a sense of ownership over your journey, building on the progress you’ve already made or embracing the lessons learned.

Plan Your Next Steps Using Visualisation and Affirmations

As you reflect on the past month, take a moment to look ahead. Visualisation is a highly effective tool for finding focus and igniting motivation. Picture where you’d like to be in the next couple of months. What does your life look like? What habits have you embraced? How do you feel about your progress?

Pair this visualisation with affirmations to strengthen your mindset. For instance, you might say to yourself, “I am capable of achieving my goals,” or “I am becoming the best version of myself, step by step.” These positive reinforcements help align you with your intentions and remind you of your ability to create meaningful change.

I love myself as I am quote handwritten in blue and green

Take a Moment to Reflect

Before you dive into the month ahead, take a few minutes to reflect on where you’ve been, what you’ve learned, and how you want to grow. Progress isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up for yourself, one step at a time.

You’ve already started the journey, wherever you’re heading, and that’s something to celebrate. If you get stuck when working on your personal short-term or long-term goals, you can reach out for support.

Ditch Resolutions: Set Meaningful Goals for Lasting Change

Resolutions vs. Goals: How to Achieve Lasting Success This Year

The start of a new year often brings a whirlwind of emotions. On one hand, it’s a time of fresh beginnings and exciting possibilities. On the other, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the weight of expectations, lingering Christmas and New Year chaos, or the pressure to set and achieve ambitious goals. If you’re feeling stuck, scattered, or emotionally drained, know you’re not alone. The key to overcoming these challenges is shifting your approach to resolutions and goal-setting to achieve lasting success.

This blog will walk you through practical strategies to create meaningful, sustainable goals and explore why resolutions often fail. By adopting a more thoughtful and evidence-based approach, you’ll not only overcome overwhelm but also build a foundation for lasting success.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Often Fail and How to Achieve Lasting Success

Many people start the year with a list of resolutions, but studies show that most fade into the background by February. Why does this happen? Resolutions often focus on sweeping changes, such as “I’ll lose weight” or “I’ll save more money,” without a clear plan to achieve them. They’re frequently rooted in external pressures or unrealistic expectations, leading to frustration and burnout. Perhaps you’ve been carrying the same goal yearly but never seem to reach it. If that sounds familiar, it might be time to reassess and approach that goal differently.

Instead of rigid resolutions, consider setting flexible, meaningful goals that allow for growth and adaptation. Goals are less about perfection and more about progress. Focusing on small, manageable steps makes you more likely to stay motivated and achieve lasting success.

Resolutions vs. Goals: What’s the Difference?

Resolutions are often rigid and outcome-focused (“I’ll run a marathon this year”), whereas goals are more flexible and process-oriented (“I’ll work up to running 5km by the spring”). Goals give you space to adjust as life changes and allow for setbacks without feeling like you’ve failed.

This kind of flexibility is especially important during life transitions when unexpected shifts can make rigid goals feel overwhelming or unrealistic. If you’re navigating change—whether in your career, relationships, or personal growth—having the right support can help you set meaningful goals that evolve with you. Learn more about how Life Transitions Coaching can help you create a plan that works for your unique journey.

How to Set Effective Goals to Achieve Lasting Success

Be Specific: Instead of saying, “I want to be healthier,” set a goal like “I’ll go for a 30-minute walk three times a week.”

Make Them Measurable: Track your progress to stay motivated.
Keep Them Realistic: Aim for incremental improvements rather than drastic changes.
Set a Time Frame: Give yourself a target date to work toward.

Effective goal-setting isn’t just about choosing the right targets—it’s about creating a structure that sets you up for success. If you want to dive deeper into how to set goals that work for you, check out my blog on Setting Goals and Achieving them.

The Science of Goal Setting and Behaviour Change

1. Habit Formation: The 21/66-Day Rule

Popular advice often suggests it takes 21 days to form a habit, but research from University College London found that behaviour typically takes around 66 days to become automatic. The key is consistency rather than speed. Small, repeatable actions—like drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning—lay the foundation for achieving lasting success. (See References below for more on habit formation.)

2. The Transtheoretical Model (Stages of Change)

The Transtheoretical Model outlines five stages of behaviour change:

  • Precontemplation: Not yet considering change.
  • Contemplation: Starting to think about change.
  • Preparation: Making plans and setting goals.
  • Action: Actively working toward the change.
  • Maintenance: Sustaining the new behaviour.

Understanding where you are in this process can help you set realistic, achievable goals. If you’re in the contemplation stage, for example, the focus should be on gathering information and building motivation before diving into action. (See References below for more on behaviour change.)

3. Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

According to Deci and Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory, goals driven by intrinsic motivation (e.g., “I want to feel healthier and have more energy”) are more sustainable than those based on extrinsic motivation (e.g., “I want to lose weight to look good in photos”). When your goals are aligned with your core values and personal aspirations, they become more meaningful and rewarding, increasing the likelihood of long-term success. (See References below for more on motivation and behaviour change.)

4. Implementation Intentions

Research by Dr. Peter Gollwitzer suggests that creating “if-then” plans increases the likelihood of achieving goals. These simple, structured plans help you anticipate challenges and stay on track by providing clear, actionable alternatives.

For example:

  • If I feel like vaping, then I’ll chew nicotine gum instead.
  • If I’m too tired to exercise, then I’ll commit to a 10-minute walk instead of skipping it.

By planning ahead for obstacles, you make it easier to stick to your goals and avoid falling into old habits. (See References below for more on goal-setting strategies.)

Why Resolutions Fail

Common pitfalls include:

  • Setting goals that are vague or unrealistic.
  • Trying to tackle too much at once.
  • Failing to plan for setbacks or challenges.

The solution? Start small, focus on one goal at a time, and create a clear plan for success.

An Example: Sarah’s Journey to Better Health

Sarah, 32, decided to improve her health. She’s been vaping for years, often paired with a glass or two of wine in the evenings. Sarah also struggles with eating processed foods when she is on the go, out of convenience, and as result often feels tired. Sarah’s initial thoughts might be to tackle everything at once, but instead, she decides to focus on one goal at a time.

Joyful woman with yellow cloth in the sunshine signifying achieving lasting success

Step 1: Identifying Priorities and Starting Small

Sarah reflects on which change would have the biggest impact on her overall health and decides to start by addressing her wine consumption. She sets a specific, achievable goal: to completely stop drinking initially, with the possibility of later transitioning to being a social drinker rather than drinking alone. It’s important to approach this safely—if you feel you might be dependent on alcohol, it’s essential to contact a healthcare provider, as stopping drinking abruptly can have health implications. In Sarah’s case, she recognised that her drinking was more of a habit she wanted to break rather than a dependence on alcohol.

By focusing solely on this one habit, Sarah avoids feeling overwhelmed. Each small success such as one night being alcohol free is counted as a big win.  Sarah has noticed triggers such as the evenings feel much longer without drinking so she has written a list of things she can do instead of reaching our for a glass of wine such as reading, going for a walk, catching up on some documentaries she has been wanting to watch or talking on the phone with her friends.

Step 2: Building Momentum with the Domino Effect

After four weeks, Sarah feels proud of her progress. She notices that she’s already starting to feel better physically, which motivates her to address her next goal: to stop vaping. She sets a new goal: “I will cut my vaping by half over the next two weeks by using nicotine gum.”

Surprisingly, Sarah finds it easier to tackle this goal because vaping and wine have been closely linked for her. Due to stopping drinking alcohol, she is less likely to pick up her vape. She has replaced her evening glass of wine with a new collection of herbal teas, which also starts to improve her sleep.

Step 3: Expanding to Healthier Eating

With more energy and better sleep, Sarah now feels ready to address her eating habits. She doesn’t try to overhaul her diet overnight but instead focuses on a single change: “I’ll prepare a healthy dinner three nights a week, starting with simple recipes.”

After a month, cooking becomes a habit. Sarah notices she’s snacking less and feels more in control of her eating. The small changes are adding up, and she’s beginning to see how much better she feels.

Step 4: Continuing to Build Over Time

Sarah’s final focus is improving her sleep. By now, the healthier eating and reduced alcohol are already helping her feel less sluggish, but she set a clear goal to stop scrolling on her phone before bed and commit to a consistent bedtime. With each change driving the next, Sarah finds herself healthier, happier, and more energised than when she started.

Reassess and Adapt as You Go

Life is unpredictable, and your goals should be flexible enough to adapt to changing circumstances. Schedule regular check-ins with yourself to evaluate what’s working and what needs adjustment. Maybe a goal you set in January no longer feels relevant by March, or you’ve made progress faster than expected and are ready to take on a new challenge.

Tip: Reflect on your progress monthly. Celebrate wins, learn from setbacks, and adjust your goals as needed.

Building Rest and Enjoyment into Your Plan

It’s important to remember rest and happiness are essential parts of the process. Achieving your goals shouldn’t feel like a chore. Incorporate activities that bring you happiness and relaxation, whether it’s spending time with loved ones, engaging in a hobby, or simply enjoying a quiet moment with a cup of tea.

Tip: Schedule relaxation time just as you would any other commitment. Rest is productive because it replenishes your energy and focus.

Relaxing table with bouquet poppies, alarm clock and books

Final Thoughts

This year, to achieve lasting success, give yourself the gift of a more thoughtful, balanced approach to growth. By addressing overwhelm, setting meaningful goals, and taking a holistic view of your well-being, you can create lasting change in your life. Remember, progress is more important than perfection. Start small, reassess often, and celebrate each step forward. A healthier, happier you is within reach, one goal at a time.

References

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer Science & Business Media

Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493-503.

Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2009). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009

Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. (1983). Stages and processes of self-change of smoking: Toward an integrative model of change. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(3), 390–395.

6 Tips for Managing Life Transitions (with Confidence)

6 Tips for Managing Life Transitions (with Confidence)

Life transitions can be exciting, full of possibilities, and packed with hope for what’s to come. But they can also feel overwhelming. Balancing the demands of work, family, relationships, and your own well-being during times of change can leave you feeling stretched thin.

When life throws something new your way, it’s natural to find yourself at a crossroads, wondering which path to take.

Research indicates that significant life transitions can influence our personality traits, shaping how we see ourselves and our roles in the world. These shifts might feel unsettling, but they also present an incredible opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

If you’re navigating a life transition, the good news is that you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy can provide the clarity, tools, and support to help you face these moments with confidence and resilience.

The Challenges of Life Transitions

Life transitions take many forms:

  • Starting university or a new career.
  • Adjusting to life with ADHD as an adult.
  • Navigating the changes that midlife brings.

While these shifts can bring exciting opportunities, they often stir up feelings of uncertainty, self-doubt, or even fear. You might wonder whether you’re making the right choices or how to handle the challenges ahead.

By taking small steps forward, you can build the confidence to approach these transitions with clarity and calmness.

  1. Embrace Change with Self-Compassion

It’s normal to feel unsure or anxious when life changes. Instead of criticising yourself for not having everything figured out, try to extend the same kindness you’d offer a friend in your position.

Try this: At the end of each day, write down one kind thing you can say to yourself about how you handled the day’s challenges. For example, “I’m proud of how I stayed calm during that meeting” or “It’s okay that I needed a break today.”

2. Create a Clear Vision of Your New Path

Take a moment to picture where you’d like to be after this transition. What does your ideal life look like? Writing down your goals and breaking them into smaller, more achievable steps can make even the most significant changes feel manageable.

Try this: Write down one goal for the week and list three small actions to help you achieve it. Ensure you take the time to feel a sense of pride when you reach your goal, as this will serve as the driver to move you forward.

3. Stay Present in the Moment

It’s easy to get caught up in ruminating about the past or worry excessively about the future, but staying focused on the present can help reduce overwhelm. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or grounding exercises, are powerful tools for staying calm and clear-headed.

Try this: Close your eyes and take five slow breaths, focusing on the sensation of air moving in and out of your body. Notice how your shoulders and chest feel as you exhale tension. Thoughts may come into your mind, but allow them to pass without judgment, and then refocus on your breathing.

4. Build a Support System

Transitions can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through them alone. Talking things through with supportive friends, family, or even a therapist can help you process your feelings and feel more connected.

Try this: Reach out to a trusted friend or join an online community that relates to your experience. Sharing your story can make the load feel lighter. You may be surprised as there are often people experiencing similar challenges, and it can be helpful to connect with someone who has lived experience of the changes you are working through.

5. Establish Healthy Routines

During transitions, maintaining structure in your day can create a sense of stability. Simple routines, like regular exercise, journalling, or scheduling quiet time, can help you feel more grounded and in control.

Try this: Create a morning routine with three calming actions, like stretching, sipping a cup of tea, or setting an intention for the day. A healthy routine doesn’t have to involve oodles of self-care techniques; remind yourself that often less is more.

6. Reframe Negative Thoughts

Big changes often come with self-doubt or fear of failure. Learning to challenge and reframe negative thoughts into positive ones can transform your outlook.

Try this: When you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never manage this,” replace it with, “I’m figuring it out step by step.”

Female student standing outside university looking confident

Navigating University and Entering the Workforce: Emma’s Story

Emma, a university student, came to me during her final year. She felt overwhelmed by upcoming deadlines, her dissertation, and the challenge of balancing studies with an active social life. Together, we worked on breaking her tasks into more manageable steps, prioritising self-care, and finding a routine that made her feel organised and more confident.

After graduation, Emma faced new challenges: adjusting to life back home and transitioning into her first ‘real’ job. She worried about leaving her university friends behind and stepping into the unknown world of a 9-to-5 role.

Through therapy, Emma learned strategies for managing her anxieties, preparing for interviews, and creating boundaries between work and personal life. I’m so proud of how she overcame her fears, adapted to her new routine, and built a balanced and fulfilling life.

Emma’s story is a reminder that even the most overwhelming transitions can become stepping stones to growth.

The Benefit of Personalised Support

Life transitions are deeply personal, and the right support can make all the difference. Therapy offers tailored insights, tools, and strategies designed to help you navigate change with clarity and confidence.

My approach is holistic, addressing the mind, body, and emotions to create a sense of balance and resilience. Through mindfulness, practical techniques, and self-compassion, we work together to help you move forward in a way that feels right for you. Learn more about how I can support you on my Life Transitions page.

Man standing by two green pathways deciding which route to take

A Holistic Approach to Life Transitions

Navigating life transitions holistically means addressing the mind, body, and spirit together. This interconnected approach acknowledges that emotional health, physical well-being, and mental clarity are important when managing change.

For instance, mindfulness techniques can reduce stress and enhance focus, while lifestyle adjustments such as maintaining a healthy diet and engaging in some physical activities support overall wellness.

Incorporating self-compassion practices nurtures emotional health and creates a grounded pathway, empowering you to move forward with confidence.

Clear Haven Therapy: Therapeutic Services

Navigating change is easier with the right support. Whether you’re looking for counselling, coaching, or RTT I offer approaches tailored to your needs. Learn more about how I can support you here.

Embracing Life Transitions: University, Midlife, and Beyond

Whether you’re moving from university to the working world, navigating midlife changes, or discovering you have ADHD in adulthood, therapy can provide the support you need. For students transitioning into the workplace, therapy creates a supportive space to address lifestyle changes, time management, and clarity in career paths.

Midlife often invites reflection and reassessment of life’s direction, from navigating menopause to exploring new career opportunities. Therapy allows you to reconnect with what truly matters, rediscovering past interests or finding new passions that resonate with your current lifestyle.

Life transitions may bring uncertainty, but they also offer the chance to grow, redefine your path, and create a life that truly aligns with you. With the right support, you can move through change with confidence, knowing that every step forward brings new opportunities.

Further Reading:

Bleidorn, W., Hopwood, C. J., & Lucas, R. E. (2018). Life Events and Personality Trait Change. Journal of Personality, 86(1), 83–96.

Men’s Mental Health: Breaking Barriers and Embracing Therapy

Men’s Mental Health: Breaking Barriers and Embracing Therapy

Mental health challenges don’t discriminate, anyone can struggle, regardless of gender, background, or circumstance. Yet for many people, especially men, reaching out for help can still feel difficult. Cultural expectations, outdated beliefs, and fear of vulnerability often prevent people from seeking the support that could make a real difference.

Therapy provides a safe, confidential space to process emotions, reduce stress, and develop tools for greater resilience. Whether you’re managing anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, or past trauma, you don’t have to face it alone.

Understanding Barriers to Seeking Help

Recognising what gets in the way of reaching out is often the first step toward change. Here are some common barriers people,  particularly men, experience when considering therapy:

Societal expectations
Many people grow up being told to be “strong, self-reliant, and in control.” These ideas can make seeking help feel like a weakness, when in reality it’s a courageous and proactive step toward well-being.

Shame and guilt
When emotions are suppressed, people may turn to coping mechanisms like overworking, alcohol, or withdrawal. This can lead to guilt or self-criticism, which further reinforces the belief that they must manage alone. Therapy offers a compassionate space to explore these patterns and build healthier ways to cope.

Stigma around mental health
Although public understanding has improved, the idea that therapy is only for “serious problems” still exists. In truth, mental health deserves the same care and attention as physical health.

Fear of vulnerability
Opening up can feel uncomfortable, especially for those who’ve learned to keep emotions private. Therapy helps people build confidence in expressing themselves, turning vulnerability into a source of strength and connection.

How Therapy Helps

Therapy offers a supportive, non-judgmental environment where you can explore challenges at your own pace. It can help you:

✔ Regulate emotions and manage stress more effectively.
✔ Develop grounding and mindfulness techniques to reduce overwhelm.
✔ Use journalling to process thoughts and emotions.
✔ Strengthen communication skills and set healthy boundaries.

Some people use therapy to work through past experiences that still affect them; others focus on practical strategies for the present. There’s no single “right way”,  what matters is finding an approach that fits you.

The Wider Impact of Prioritising Mental Health

Improving your mental well-being has ripple effects in every area of life, relationships, work, and community.

Normalising support
When you prioritise your mental health, you send a powerful message to others that seeking help is an act of strength. Open conversations about therapy help dismantle stigma and encourage others to do the same.

Strengthening relationships
Emotional awareness and self-regulation improve communication, empathy, and connection with those around you.

Enhancing work and daily life
When stress and overwhelm are addressed, focus, productivity, and confidence naturally improve. Therapy can support decision-making, teamwork, and overall balance.

When to Reach Out

It may be time to consider therapy if you notice:

  • Feeling easily irritated or emotionally drained.

  • Struggling to manage stress, pressure, or expectations.

  • Turning to alcohol, work, or distractions to cope.

  • Difficulty sleeping, concentrating, or finding motivation.

  • Losing interest in things that once brought joy.

If any of these feel familiar, support is available. Therapy provides a space to understand what’s happening and develop practical strategies to feel more grounded and in control.

To Conclude

Therapy isn’t about weakness, it’s about self-awareness, courage, and growth. By talking openly about mental health, we create a culture where everyone feels supported to seek help when they need it.

As a counsellor and coach, I offer a calm, confidential space to help you navigate life’s challenges and build emotional resilience. If you’re ready to take the first step, you can book a discovery call today.

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Research consistently shows that setting clear, structured goals increases your likelihood of success. When goals are broken down into manageable steps, progress becomes easier to track and maintain. Having a clear action plan provides direction, focus, and motivation, helping you stay on course even when challenges arise.

Goal setting isn’t just about achievement, it’s about taking ownership of your life and making meaningful progress. It’s easy to get distracted by daily demands, but setting personal goals, not just career or academic ones, can be equally important. Achieving a goal doesn’t just move you forward; it also boosts confidence, enhances self-esteem, and supports overall well-being.

No matter your age or stage of life, it’s never too late to start setting goals. Whether you’re focusing on personal growth, improving health, or making lifestyle changes, goal-setting frameworks like SMART goals can help you stay motivated and focused.

1. Setting the Foundation: Writing and Defining Your Goals

Writing down your long-term goals is the first step towards turning aspirations into reality. Reflect on what is truly important to you and where you envisage yourself in the future. It could be in one month or year, whatever works for you. Gaining a clear vision of your goal is an important part of the goal-setting process.

If you only have vague goals, a good strategy is to get creative, design a vision board, and find photos and quotes that grab your attention.  Visualising a specific goal can bring it to life and give you a clear vision of where you want to be in the future. Also, getting creative is fun and has many mental health benefits.

Remember, a goal doesn’t have to be something extreme, such as running a marathon or skydiving (although it can be if that’s what you want). Your personal goals can be anything that’s important to you, whether health or professional, or you want to focus on personal development goals.

Setting one goal can positively impact other areas of your life.  For instance, a personal development goal could be to boost your confidence and self-esteem. Increasing your confidence and self-esteem can open doors to new experiences, and you will learn to trust your decisions more. Personal development goals can be the best way to set the foundations for practical goal setting.  As you set new goals, discover how the role of reflection can support your progress in my blog.

2. Milestone Setting: Tracking Achievements

Once you have your big goal, the next step is to break it down into smaller goals and then break these smaller goals down into more manageable tasks.  A big goal can feel overwhelming if you imagine yourself standing at the bottom of a vast mountain; the top can seem so far off, and reaching the top can feel unachievable. However, climbing that mountain can feel doable when you break it down into manageable tasks.

A good idea is to set aside time to note down everything you need to do to complete a task. Putting pen to paper can give you a clearer understanding of what you must do to achieve that task and increase your chances of success.  It can often be the smaller tasks that are the most important steps, so getting these onto paper can be highly beneficial.

Keeping a to-do list can be an excellent way to keep you on track; you can then update it daily, marking off your achievements.  Your achievements are your driver to move forward, so it’s so important to celebrate them. When completing tasks, it can be helpful to identify any barriers you may come across and then do some problem-solving to decide how to overcome them. Balancing this with self-care is essential, as working towards your goals can be hard work. Reminding yourself of ‘why’ you want to reach your goal is another factor that will help drive you towards the finishing line.

man jumping through gap in cliffs signifying reaching your goals

3. Make Goal-Setting Achievable

I advocate for thinking big and not letting anything stand in your way, but it is also essential to set realistic goals. It’s about getting the balance right, as there are some things you need to consider when setting goals. For example, suppose the big goal is to climb Kilimanjaro. In that case, there is a lot to consider, such as physical fitness, mental well-being, the possibility of altitude sickness, booking vaccines, and available finances.

The next step towards positive goal setting is devising an action plan. To do this, write down the different factors you need to consider. Then, note the actionable steps it will take to complete each factor. You could work on them individually, or you might work on some simultaneously.

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone when setting goals is positive, as ambitious goals are great for personal growth. However, you also want to avoid getting overwhelmed. So, think big, but also consider your capabilities and the available resources before setting goals, tasks, and time scales.

4. Set Timeframes: Assign Deadlines to Create a Sense of Urgency

Time scales and deadlines are essential to goal setting as they keep you on track, make you accountable, and can prevent procrastination and perfectionism.  You can gauge your progress by setting target dates for each task, including the small goals. There can be room for movement with this; it can be challenging to know how long a particular task will take, as it can depend on your current situation, such as external factors.

However, having an estimated timescale can keep you motivated as you know that each minute you work on the task brings you closer to reaching the end goal. For greater goal-setting success, you must clearly understand what you must do to achieve the big goal. You can then break this down into daily tasks.

man with arms outstretched enjoying freedom representing reaching goals

5. Seek Accountability and Be Resourceful

Keeping yourself accountable is another crucial part of goal setting. It can be easy to get off track, as other exciting things might appear while you work on a task. If this happens, note down whatever distracted you and spend time on it when you have a planned timeout. Some great online accountability trackers can help with motivation and organisation and keep you accountable.

Sharing your goal with a family member or trusted friend can help keep you accountable. However, if you prefer not to share your goal-setting journey with others, try writing about it in your journal or checking if there are local groups or an online community of people with similar goals. Professional help is also available if you would like a counsellor or coach to help you on your goal-setting journey. You can check out my services page for more information.

Checking your progress regularly is a great way to ensure you’re on the right track. It’s important to remember to celebrate your achievements, even if you feel they’re small steps. After all, small steps can lead to big changes. Having a list of tasks can feel daunting, so take time to look back at what you have achieved with pride.

SMART Goals

SMART goals are a structured approach to goal setting often used by professional coaches. It is also a technique you can implement if you are self-coaching.  The SMART Goal acronym is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.  Let’s break down SMART Goals and what they mean.

  • Specific: Set the goal that you want to accomplish
  • Measurable: Plan how you are going to track your success
  • Achievable: Check your goal is realistic
  • Relevant: Ensure there are beneficial outcomes
  • Time-bound: Create a deadline and prioritise tasks

Following the SMART goal criteria will ensure you clearly understand your goals and confirm they are within reach.

note book with handwritten smart goals open on a table with glasses and sticky notes.

Empowering Yourself Through Self-Coaching

If you are self-coaching rather than working with a professional coach, a great tip is to follow the SMART goals model to keep on track. Reaching your goals can be a transformative journey that can foster growth and resilience.

When you achieve your goals, you prove to yourself that anything is possible when you fully invest in the process. Reaching your goals highlights the power we hold within ourselves.

What to Take into Consideration When Self-Coaching:

  • Understanding Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

What drives you to achieve your goals? Are you motivated by internal satisfaction (intrinsic motivation) or external rewards (extrinsic motivation)? Understanding what fuels your ambitions can help you tailor your approach and stay committed to long-term success.

  • Overcoming Obstacles: Handling Setbacks and Failures

Resilience is key to goal setting. Challenges, setbacks, or feelings of failure are part of the process. Having strategies in place to navigate obstacles can help you stay focused and continue moving forward, even when progress feels slow.

  • The Importance of Mindset: How a Growth Mindset Supports Goal Achievement

A growth mindset is essential for success. If you believe you can’t reach your goals, you’re far less likely to achieve them. Self-belief and self-esteem play a crucial role in progress—working on these areas can make goal-setting more effective and fulfilling.

  • The Role of Reflection: Reviewing and Revising Goals

Your goals may evolve over time, and that’s okay. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your goals ensures they remain relevant to your life and aspirations. Life changes, new interests, or shifting priorities can impact your objectives, so checking in with yourself can keep you on the right track.

  • The Power of Visualisation and Affirmations

A clear mental image of your goal can reinforce your motivation and help you stay committed. Visualisation makes your goal feel real, helping you take inspired action, while affirmations strengthen positive beliefs and self-confidence.

  • The Impact of Environment: Creating a Space for Success

Your surroundings influence your mindset and productivity. Having a dedicated space for planning or working toward your goals can improve focus. Similarly, surrounding yourself with supportive people or communities can provide encouragement and accountability.

  • Health and Wellbeing: The Foundation for Goal Achievement

There’s a strong connection between physical health, mental wellbeing, and goal success. Eating a nutritious diet, exercising regularly, and prioritising sleep can improve focus, energy levels, and resilience—making it easier to stay on track.

  • Leveraging Technology: Tools and Apps for Goal Tracking

Tracking progress keeps you motivated. Whether you prefer a journal or digital goal-tracking apps, these tools can boost accountability and help you celebrate milestones along the way.

  • Goal Setting for Different Life Stages

Goals naturally shift as you move through different life stages. What mattered in your student years may differ from your priorities as a parent or professional. Reassessing your goals ensures they align with your current circumstances and aspirations.

  • The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Goal Setting

Emotional awareness and self-regulation play a key role in goal achievement. Stress, motivation, and relationships can all impact your journey. Having tools to manage emotions effectively can help you stay resilient and focused.

Counselling and Coaching Approach

Counselling and coaching can work together to help you identify what truly matters to you and create goals that reflect your values and interests. Exploring your needs and preferences often brings clarity about what gives your life meaning, whether that’s creativity, connection, adventure, or balance.

Through this process, you can experiment with new ideas, develop self-awareness, and discover activities that bring a renewed sense of purpose. Using self-coaching tools alongside professional guidance helps strengthen confidence and motivation, allowing you to make steady progress toward your goals.

Ultimately, combining self-reflection with structured support can lead to lasting satisfaction and a greater sense of accomplishment, not just from reaching goals, but from recognising how far you’ve come.

If you prefer to explore these ideas at your own pace, I also offer a small collection of self-guided courses and recordings that support reflection, emotional awareness, and practical goal-setting.

To Conclude

Applying the above tips empowers you to take charge of your goal-setting journey as your coach or mentor.   Self-coaching can be highly beneficial. However, it’s also okay to reach out to a trusted friend or for professional help if you feel you would like that extra bit of support.

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